The crucial choice of ‘Sanga’ (company)

Ganesh, an IT professional working in a multinational software company was in his late 50s’. He had colleagues of different age groups, some of whom he considered friends. He and his wife enjoyed life as empty nesters, with children educated and settled abroad. What set Ganesh apart from many of his colleagues and friends was his strong drive to lead a spiritual life. Despite his hectic schedule and busy social life, he made it a point to spend time pursuing his spiritual interests regularly. This was a consistent pursuit in Ganesh’s life since a few decades. He would make time to read spiritual books, attend discourses of Masters and engage in deep and meaningful conversations about spiritual subjects with like-minded friends. He was constantly on the lookout for his Guru as well, someone who could guide him to his deeper self, the inner divinity. He had experimented with various schools of thought like Vedanta, Bhakti marga (the path of devotion), Shaivism (The worship of Lord Shiva), Vaishnavism (the worship of Lord Vishnu), etc.

His wife Gauri, however, had very different interests. She was a firmly materialistic person. While she feared God and believed in performing regular deity worship at home, she was not keenly interested in Ganesh’s spiritual pursuits. As a devoted wife, she would at times accompany Ganesh to spiritual discourses and meet-ups, but her heart wasn’t in it. As it is with most things that occur out of force, Gauri slowly reduced her visits to such spiritual get-togethers and eventually stopped completely. Given the free time on her hand, especially being an empty nester, she used it to keep herself occupied with her daily chores and catching up with friends. Her friends were women who liked to spend time shopping, gossiping over lunches at good restaurants and exchanging notes on the latest trends on social media and social circles.

As Gauri began spending more time with her friends and actively following similar people on social media and in real life, she began comparing her own life to her friends’. While her husband earned very well and children were also well settled, being a man of spiritual interests, Ganesh didn’t believe in flaunting his wealth and lifestyle. His preference was for a quite meal at home or outside, with his wife and spiritually inclined friends, engaged in conversations about the deeper aspects of life and so on. Gauri, in turn, would get jealous upon hearing stories from her friends about their recent trip abroad, the newest movie they watched, and so on. Ganesh never restricted Gauri from doing activities of her choice. In fact, he would be supportive and encourage her to do what made her happy. Yet, his sense of righteousness would sometimes kick in, and he would nudge Gauri to think about the frivolity of materialistic pursuits.

Life continued on these lines for both of them, with Ganesh intensely occupied with his work and spiritual pursuits and Gauri finding enjoyment with friends and family. Eventually, it was time for Ganesh’s retirement. He was eagerly looking forward to this new phase of his life. For him, this meant a time to relax, enjoy life with Gauri and spend quality time on his spiritual pursuits. By this time, Ganesh was actively involved with a spiritual organization, having found a guide who resonated with his deepest beliefs. Gauri, however, had different ideas. She was beginning to dislike Ganesh spending quality time with this organization. She felt that he was being brainwashed into a cult. She felt retirement was a time to kick back, relax and catch up with all the materialistic pursuits they had left behind when they were younger. While Ganesh had no objection to indulging Gauri’s wishes occasionally, he was averse to spending all his time in satiating his senses. That was when trouble slowly began mounting for Ganesh.

Gauri was a stubborn woman. She knew how to get her way. She began mounting pressure on Ganesh to distance himself from the organization. While Ganesh was harboring hopes of joining in as a regular volunteer and also spending time in their premises on Svadhyaya (self-study of scriptures), she coaxed him to engage in Svadhyaya at home instead. It seemed a harmless request at first, hence Ganesh gave in. Slowly, she began coming up with plans to go out exactly at the same time that he needed to be at the organization for volunteer work. Unable to negotiate much with her, he would give in most times, considering it a one-off situation. As they began spending more time together, she would narrate real-life examples of her friends’ lives and choices. She would slowly veer the conversation to bring about the conclusion that, “Look, they aren’t deeply spiritual but they are still happy. They don’t find the need to bow down to anyone or stick to any rigorous discipline and they don’t seem to have any troubles in leading a happy life.” All her observations, of course, were based on the rosy details shared by her friends.

As all of this was unfolding, however, there was a nagging sense of discomfort building within him. He was slowly becoming unhappy, with each passing day. Attributing the discomfort to his age and his retirement, Ganesh headed for a medical check-up as well. Thankfully, he was fit and fine for his age, the reports revealed. He felt relieved to know that, yet he couldn’t place a finger on what was happening with him. As days passed into weeks, his sense of discomfort started becoming a deep sense of dissatisfaction. A man who was quite content with life earlier, he was now turning into a slightly grumpy person. Gauri also began to note this change and blamed him for not being able to stay out of office peacefully. Yet, Ganesh knew that wasn’t the case.

One day, out of a desperation to find an answer to this gnawing dissatisfaction, he made an excuse and stepped out of home. He directly headed to the organization to meet his spiritual guide and mentor. He was feeling lost and wanted direction. He secured an appointment to meet her, and sat waiting patiently. Once his turn arrived, he stepped into the room. She was happy to see him after a long time. She greeted him with a smile and asked him to be seated. She herself was seated on a soft mat laid on the floor. Ganesh took his place opposite to her on a similar mat. The room was well lit and revealed to her the pain on his face as he sat down. Out of a place of deep empathy, she enquired if all was well with him. Unable to provide a clear answer to that question, Ganesh casually reverted in affirmation and began sharing his current state of life. As he began speaking, his mentor could see where the trouble really lay. She casually asked him when was the last time he attended a spiritual discourse anywhere. Ganesh said that it had been a few months, since he was unable to manage time to do that.

Upon hearing his response, she gave a soft smile and responded so. “Ganesh, do you know why small fish tend to travel together as a school (a group of fish)? That is because there is a strength in numbers. Yet, you will not see a shark or a whale travel in big numbers. Similar is the case for us humans too. When we are still young in the spiritual sense, it is very beneficial to be in the company of similar people. This helps us better navigate the waters of the ocean, which can vary from being calm to extremely turbulent at times. When together, sharing each other’s experiences provides a strength that solitude cannot bring. It is only when one rises higher spiritually, having faced many a storm through lifetimes, one gains the maturity to handle tough waters alone. There is a strong emphasis placed on Satsanga (good company) by our scriptures for this very reason. The temptations of the senses and the currents of materialistic society can pull one away from his path of spiritual practices very easily. Often, these waves pull a person so far away onto the shore that he regains his consciousness only after that lifetime is over. I am happy that you chose to look for help much sooner. While there is nothing wrong with people leading a life of their choice, it is crucial that you remember what your journey is about. While we all make our choices in life continually, the people we spend our precious time with is amongst the most important of those choices. This single choice can decide, especially for a spiritual person, whether he heads towards his ultimate goal or away.”

“This discomfort within you, that you don’t speak of, yet shows visibly on your face, is that of your inner self feeling like a fish out of water. It is the lack of company of spiritual people, meaningful conversations and deeper connect that is causing this misery to you. It is now a choice for you to make, about how to nourish your soul with Satsanga (good company) while you maintain your personal life equilibrium. It is up to you to balance these two aspects of your life. The company you keep decides the quality of your thinking. It decides your utilization of time, your cultivation of habits. It even ensures how well you sleep at night. Such is the power of company. Yet, the human mind will have us believe that we are individual people who hold the power exclusively in our hands regarding all of these. Discretion and Intellect, once strengthened, can withstand any strong current like sharks in the ocean. Until then, it is truly useful to find the fish you wish to be in a school with.”

Ganesh was relieved to hear these words of wisdom and walked away after thanking her profusely. He felt wiser and started working upon a plan of his own, to ensure peace at home without having to pay the price for it with his inner happiness.